akameda

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Jin. It’s tearing me apart.” Ueda said, clutching the nearest cushion, as Jin handed him another sheet of tissue paper. They have been sitting on Ueda’s couch for nearly an hour, talking about what was happening now. Jin didn’t mind; he wanted to help his friend anyway.

“Don’t worry Tat-chan. I’m here to help.” Jin comforted, rubbing Ueda’s back.

Tatsuya sighed before answering, “I’d like to think that he’s just tired and busy and all. But…” He said, before crying once again, burying his face in his palms.

“Tat-chan, stop crying now. I’ll talk to him, okay?”

Ueda sat up straight with his hands resting on his thighs, trying to stop himself from crying. The older man looked at Jin with pleading eyes and asked, “You will?”

Jin nodded, a tiny smile formed on his lips. “Yeah I will.”

“Thank you.” Ueda whispered before crying himself to sleep on the armrest.

Day five – the last

It was evening already and work had ended, the others going out for dinner.  Ueda didn’t go with them since he wasn’t in the mood. Maru offered company though but Ueda insisted that Maru should just eat with them. He’ll be fine by himself.

And so at that moment, Ueda sat quietly on the couch inside KAT-TUN’s dressing room alone, contemplating about what was currently happening. Ryo wasn’t replying to his messages, answering his phone calls, nor talking to him in person. He wasn’t showing his face to him at all. Tatsuya was worried already, so worried that he’d kill anyone just to find out what was wrong.

Maybe I should talk to him. He thought to himself before standing and making his way outside. His heart was beating fast, and was about to explode when he reached the NEWS dressing room. The big sign was in front of him then, and he was about to knock, but the screaming voices made him stop.

“Ryo! What the heck is wrong with you? Ueda-kun’s worried about you!”

Yamashita-kun? And Ryo? Eavesdropping was a bad thing to do but he had to hear Ryo’s side; he stuck his ear onto the door and tried his best to make any sound.

“PUT DOWN THAT FREAKIN MAGAZINE AND ANSWER ME, NISHIKIDO!”

“What do you want?

“Why aren’t you talking to Ueda-kun? He’s so worried about you!”

“Oh I see.”

Ueda’s world stopped turning, his chest feeling heavier and heavier every second. ‘Oh I see’? That’s it?

“What? So you’re totally ok with that?”

“With what?”

“That! You don’t seem to care!”

“Oh. I never knew.”

Ueda was close to tears at that moment, but he was trying his best not cry. He was in the corridor after all, but still…

“Are you avoiding him?”

“Or maybe something else.”

“And that something else is?”

“I absolutely have no idea.”

Breathing normally was hard to do right then, not knowing what to feel; anger or pain? Probably both.

“Ryo, this is pathetic! YOU are pathetic!”

And…Did Ryo just…laugh?

Ueda was getting weak at his knees; trying his very best to keep himself standing. His heart was aching, pleading. What’s happening?

“Dude, just so you know, he’s worried like sick. I think you should at least say ‘hi’!  Don’t get pissed at me right now. I’m just trying to help.”

“Hoo hum…How to lose a guy in 5 days…”

Reaching his limit, he collapsed on the floor, knees folded underneath him, his forehead resting on the plank of wood. His tears gave up, too, thus freely falling from his eyes. The heavens turned its back on him; he was sure.

“What? You know what? I give up. You do this on your own. And you better not regret anything.”

“I’m not.”

“So you were just playing all along? You keep on loosing interest on the things you get! Just like a manwhore!”

“I wasn’t playing. I wanted this to last, but it just wouldn’t!”

“You mean you don’t want to.”

“No…”

“Tat-chan!” Someone shouted out of nowhere, the voice obviously not from the room. Ueda saw Jin running towards him. “Tat-chan? What’s wrong?”

The door suddenly opened, revealing Yamapi and Ryo, whose eyes darted below him, seeing Ueda crying on the floor.

Ryo’s eyes widened at the sight. “Hime, let me explain…”

“No Ryo,” He said as he stood up and looked at Ryo with puffy eyes. “I think I’ve heard enough.”

And with that, he ran away from them, ignoring the sound of Ryo’s voice calling out to him to stop and listen. It was too much for him to handle; those sweet words then turned poisonous, those warm touches became ice cold, and the heavenly days transported to hell. It was just too much.

He drove as fast as he could, dreading to run away from all this agony, pain, suffering. Thankfully reaching his apartment fast, he immediately ran to his bedroom, throwing himself on the bed and burying his face onto a pillow.  Tears soaked the cushion fast and sobs echoed inside the room.

“Tatsuya! Listen to me! Please!” He heard Ryo’s faint voice, along with the banging of the front door. “Hime! Please open the door!”

Hearing the nickname made him want to kill Ryo, eyes tightening shut. So he still has the nerve to call me that? What a jerk!

“Hime! Please!”

Stop it.

“Let me explain!”

I’ve heard enough.

“I never played with you! My feelings were true! Please believe me!”

“Shut up, Nishikido! Don’t show your face to me again! EVER!” Ueda shouted his loudest, lifting his head from the pillow.

“Hime, I’m sorry!”

“You don’t have the right to call by that name! Leave me alone!”

“But-”

“NO!”

Silence reigned inside the household, the room becoming a world of dystopia. Hearts that were one now shattered into a million pieces, scattered all over unreachable places; the possibility of these sewed once more was negative. The heartbroken one laid there helpless, cries of anguish building up in his chest, and cried himself to sleep.

~~

2:00 AM

Ueda woke up, cheeks stained and eyes red. He didn’t want to think of anything right now; his mind gave up on him moments ago. He weakly sat up, staring blankly into space and subconsciously looked for his cell phone.

4 unread messages, the screen read. A sigh came out of his lips before pressing the appropriate button.

1:20 AM

Tat-chan! I’m so sorry for what happened! I should have stopped him before he even started. D: Pi and I are talking to him right now. And…I think you should really talk to him. He’s crying right now. Well, if you’re ok with that… Tat-chan, please be well. –Jin

1:25 AM

Ueda-kun, it’s me Yamapi. We’re mad at him right now. We’re definitely siding with you. I know you’re hurting, but I hope you’ll get over this soon. Jin and I will help you. Jya ne. –Yamapi

1:45 AM

Ueda! I heard it from Jin-kun. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Remember that. –Nakamaru

1:59 AM

Tatsuya, I know you don't want to talk to me right now,…

No. He didn’t want to read that at that moment. Tears were starting to appear on his eyes again, and he was trying his best not to let them fall. He slowly stood up from the bed, cell phone still in hand, and walked his way to the kitchen, getting a glass of water to ease the sting of his throat from all the crying.

Ueda dragged his feet to the living room after, his body falling heavily on the couch. He breathed deeply, gathering all the strength he had left in him. Blissful memories haunted him, but he did his best to fight them all.

Now, he was ready.

Part B is right here. :D

 ~~